Ghetto Fab!

So my effing bed broke while I was sleeping! I thought I was being shot at! Friggen mattress landed sideways. DAMN.WTF.


lol

FAT Raccoon

Person A: On the phone crying: My mom and I fight all the time. Stops crying: wait I have to roll down the hill Im too drunk to walk. Starts crying again: I don't know what to do we just keep fighting. Stops crying and begins laughing hysterically: There's a raccoon that's so fat, haha it just ran in the bushes! hahaha. Starts crying again: How can I keep from fighting with my mom! 

Person B: Dude, you just went through so many emotions just then....I love when you drink.

I got moves like a Leopard

I sent this guy I really like a sexual joke TWO DAYS AGO and I have yet to hear back from him.... AWKWARD and so embarrassing to say the least!

This girl has moves like a Leopard, but she picks guys like a wombat... 

Fortune Cookie Always Wrong....

I just got a fortune cookie with a fortune that said "you love Chinese food" haha no @#$%. Im at panda express...

Hot Preppy Mamas

Two preppy women walking with their children:


Woman #1. You know that roller coaster? The serpentine?


Woman #2. Oh yes, we didn't do that one..


Woman #1. Well I had to pee really bad. Well the roller coaster shimmies really hard when it comes to a stop...well guess what, I peed.

Submitted by : Blush

Are you from Africa?

Black guy leaving a furniture store with two lamps, when a driver pulls up next to him:

Driver: Are you from Africa?

Black Guy: Yeah, I'm buying these two lamps for my tree house, in the jungle....